This Time Last Year…
Today I opened my Facebook to see the post that I was traveling to Mysore on this day last year. I immediately felt a storm of emotions come over me. I began to reflect on this lifechanging trip. February of last year was a time where I really began growing up. It was the beginning of stepping into a new role and becoming more responsible than I ever was in my life. This was the season I received Level Two Authorization to teach Ashtanga Yoga. It was also the last season I spent with our beloved Guruji in Mysore.
As I opened my Facebook and saw this photo, I felt my heart begin to ache. I remembered that February spent in Mysore and all of the meaningful moments with Sharathji in the shala. I also remembered heartfelt conversations with friends after practice. I remembered how I struggled with backpain and how difficult it was then both physically and emotionally. But looking back in retrospect, I also know that that feeling of difficulty was training me for the higher level of difficulty I feel today navigating a world without Sharathji. Seeing the photo, My heart yearns to be in Mysore. But I also see how innocent I was at this time. It was a time when I was so joyful to go and practice. I cannot help but cry for that person who was so unaware of how heartbroken she would be now.
These days when I feel the sadness, I also know it comes from a place of extreme love and gratitude for this place, people, and my Guru. The emptiness I feel now is only there because it was a place once filled with so much love. I know I will travel back to Mysore again. I have no doubt in my mind about this. But in all honesty, some days I feel so weak knowing I cannot go back to Mysore and see Sharathji. The strength I felt in his presence was immeasurable. But I also know now it is my responsibility to dig deep and find that strength inside. It’s the same way I needed to dig deep in those final breaths of Utpluthi in Sharathji’s Led Class. I need to find this strength within myself and keep moving forward. I know I will do it because he was my Guru and he showed me that I can. So I will wake up again tomorrow morning and bow to his photo at my alter, say my prayers, and find Ekam Inhale.
